No, I’m not kidding. Read about it here. Are they going to bury it, or cremate it? That’s what I want to know. The irony here is that almost nobody under the age of 30 (outside of Detroit) knows of this event. I can hear it now: “The n-word is dead… Long live the n-word” I don’t care how many shock-and-awe campaigns they wage. No matter how many troop surges they push. No matter how many surgical attacks they pull off. The n-word is never going away. I’m not even talking about the use of this infamous word by “whitey”. I’m talking about the use by Afro-American folk themselves. If you count the number of times it’s spewed forth by black kids, be it in rap/house/hiphop/whatever, or on the street, in schools, wherever, during the course of 2007, I’d bet the total national debt of Afganistan it’s equal to, or greater than the number spewed forth in 2006. It’s not going anywhere, and the NAACP knows it. This is all a cheap PR campaign to get a headline. That’s it. Nice try. Not a chance in hell it will make any measurable impact though.  Uh oh… wait a minute… Doh!!!! I just gave them another headline.  Dang it all!

I had a dream too, but that line was already taken. So, I have a question. And the question is?

Why the hell do humans have TWO nostrils?

There is no functional or logical explanation for this phenomena. We have two eyes to see in 3D (depth of field, parallax, etc.). We have two ears to allow for directional hearing. We have two hands for dexterity and manipulation. We have two nostrils for… for what? To smell in stereo? To support directional or depth smelling?

I’ll tell you why: It’s to keep pharmaceutical companies making profits. If we had one big nostril, it would probably not clog or become congested as much as two little, puny, tiny nostrils do. I should know. I’ve been getting deeply intimate with my nostrils over the past few days. It all started with a harmless case of congestion (on one side, the right side, of course… after all, they rarely clog on both sides at once - go figure). Somehow a hair follicle got clogged and the magic trigger was a bouncing baseball that just happened to stimulate this wonderful situation into something I will never forget as long as I live.

I’ve had teeth pulled. I’ve had my face, head, hands, leg, arm stitched up. I’ve had fully ingrown toe nails (on both feet) removed at the same time. I’ve had 12 fillings (of my 25+ fillings) drilled without any numbing assistance. I’ve even had my prostate examined (by a real doctor of course). Not one of these. None. None of these compare to the excruciating pain I experienced by having an “abscess” form in the end of my nose. It touched a very well-connected nerve that radiates to the rest of my face. The pain caused my eyes to swell up and water. My jaw to hurt and tighten up and my head and neck to hurt like the worst hangover I could ever recall.

The cure for this fantastic crap was (according to my doctor): a (very) warm compress, hydrogen peroxide, and antibiotics. Did I mention that this particular antibiotic comes with a wonderful set of “minor” side effects: sunlight sensitivity, stomach issues, headaches, dizziness and nausea. Did I mention headaches? Oh yes. On top of the headache from my nose, they cure added another headache. Because you can just never have enough headaches. I believe that was a quote from one of our past presidents, but I could be wrong.

The good news is that after all the recommended cure ingredients were combined diligently, along with an ample dosage of Tylenol and Advil, I am finally “over” my abscess ordeal. However, now I have a very congested RIGHT NOSTRIL!!! Goddamnit!! This two-nostril question will be the first thing I ask the almighty when I reach the pearly gates. That is: If I reach the pearly gates. I wonder why our divine creator didn’t design us with two mouths, two rectums and two chins. Those will be the next questions I ask. I’ll let you know what the answer is as soon as I find out.

The title says it all, really.  Actually, the funny thing about Little League is the transitional aspect of the players, from Tee-ball to Juniors and up.  Tee-ball is just pure entertainment.  Even if you don’t have any kids, go watch a Saturday morning Tee-ball game.  I garantee you that at least 2 of 3 are going to make you laugh more than once.  Well, my son finished Tee-ball two years ago.  He’s done one year in Minors already (Minor-B to be exact), and is now in Minor-B.  Yes, that’s not a misprint or typo.  He graduates to Minor-A next season (9-10 year olds).  Minor-B is a tricky phase, because it’s when the stated goal of the level is to “have fun” more than focus on core fundamental skills.  They don’t keep score (officially) and the game is reduced in several ways to mitigate the wear and tear to reveal the “fun” more.

This is where kids are changing mentally because many parents (and coaches, and teammates) are beginning to see the macho of baseball.  Skills begin to matter.  Learning rules and terms matter.  To some.  That’s where the interesting part comes in.  The “funny thing” I mentioned earlier.  The mix of those that want to become serious ball players, with those that still like to have fun, say, picking flowers in the middle of a squeeze play, all leads to some interesting situations.  Memories are made.

Today, for example, one 8 year old got upset at racking up 2 strikes at the plate.  So he proceeded to beat the plate fervently with the bat.  It looked somewhat like the monkeys in 2001: A Space Odyssey.  Some parents chuckled, some were visibly appalled.  That’s kids for you.

If you’re only “into” “real” baseball, for the guts and glory of it all, you’ll probably start enjoying it at the Major level (of Little League) which is 12-13 year olds and up (correct me if I’m wrong.   They get mean and serious.  It is fun to watch.  But there’s nowhere near as much silly fun as in the younger leagues.

So, my brother forwards a rather insightful rebuff by former Sen. George McGovern, aimed at his arch nemesis: Dick Cheney, but also at the ruling gang in general. The article is concise, albeit multi-headed, and fairly even keel. It makes no brash claims that can’t be backed up by cursory research. The rest is conjecture and subjective opinion obviously.

My retort? Here it is…

I would tend to agree with almost everything he (McGovern) says. However, the mess is so bad now, that there’s no real “solution” that will leave things in any better shape. In fact, pulling out could quite easily make things worse. I hate to sound like a GOP buffoon, but it’s the same view shared by a majority of democrats also. Even those that espouse a definitive “time table” of withdrawal, not one has submitted a coherent forecast of what that would leave behind. Most seem to agree that pulling out will guarantee a return trip in the not-too-distant future. I really wish we hadn’t invaded, but alas, nobody asked me before making that decision. So much for democracy. I don’t care for Bush. I’m sure he’s a nice guy to those close to him. He has a sense of humor at times. But as a leader, he sucks. The saddest thing right now is that I still don’t see any obvious candidate that has any real coherent, concise or lucid plan for anything beyond PR soundbytes. I’m sick of soundbytes. It’s all sounding like Charlie Brown’s teacher: “wah wah wah wahh…”

However, that said, yes George M has a good head on his shoulders. It’s unfortunate there aren’t more of him (younger) around today, willing to take the helm. We’ve (so far) got Richardson, Kucinich, Edwards, Clinton, Obama, and that drunk uncle from Alaska. On the GOP side, we’ve got Rudy, Romney, McCain, and well, who cares. All second-string backup quarterbacks. No first string players yet. I wouldn’t go so far as to suggest McGovern was immune to faults or failures either.

At this point, it’s looking to be a pretty sad election coming up. Another vote cast in the direction of least-damaging. In fact, I would argue that most of the news commentators and anchors are more interesting and enlightening to watch than the candidates they’re talking about. Oh well, I digress. Nothing new from me either. Same old Dave rant. Politicians have turned into salespeople and I hate salespeople. They’ll tell you anything you want to hear to get a vote (and a job). Not one election has been swayed or moved or nudged by my vote so far. Maybe some day it will come down to my one vote. I’ll keep voting though. Obviously, I don’t have anything better to do. Oh yeah, besides work and family.

In general, the way I view the basic, general, difference of party visions is this:

Republicans tend to view the establishment as just fine. Nothing is broken. Nothing needs fixing. The laws are fine. Taxes are fine. The economy is fine. Life is wonderful. Stop complaining.

Democrats tend to view the establishment as broken. Everything is flawed. Everything needs fixing. Laws need ammendments and rewrites. Taxes are broken. Start complaining.

The rest of us are somewhere in the middle. And those that don’t fit into those three categories are extremists that need to be eliminated. Just kidding. Almost had you there didn’t I?