I have not figured out how this came about from a major global corporation…

Phillips intimate massagers…

Is this a loosening up of corporate morals, or an attempt to maximize revenues in a slowing global economy… I guess since they estimate the european market is in the neighborhood of 280€ it is a worthwhile venture. I wonder if GE or a similar US company would ever be able to pull this one off.

I do love what that they are calling it the “Relationship Care” category of their “Health & Wellness” business unit, in the “Consumer Lifestyle” sector, I guess “Sex Toy” category of the “Adult Entertainment” sector doesn’t look so good on an annual report.

That’s right. You heard it here first! If you don’t believe me: Check out this article, and then this article.

So, these brainiacs have determined that jogging with an iPod (or to be fair: any portable electronic media devices) during a lightning storm, might be dangerous to your health. Wow. I won’t even begin to dive into the electrical idiosyncrasies involved with relative grounding of transient conductors in an open field of random static discharge. Let’s get right to the meat here: Jogging in a Lightning Storm. How did these uber-smarties miss that one? How about restating that warning to something more basic like: “Don’t jog in lightning storms, period”?

I scored pretty high in my college stats courses, so I understand the appeal of causal effect relationships. However, I’m sure if someone were to open up the data boundaries here, that they could have just as easily determined jogging with a Pepsi or Coke can is just a dangerous. Never mind that the dominant common denominator here is the lightning, the media gets all gooey over the idea of the passive denominator (the iPod). We’re sliding downhill even faster than I thought.

It’s just comatose, sort of. Well, maybe in and out of comatose. Sort of what might be referred to as “selective lucidity”. Yes. I like that term. Selective Lucidity. In fact, I think I’ll trademark it, then copyright it. Then I’ll produce a tangible form upon which I will file a patent application and then sue anyone that attempts to reproduce or imitate it in any reasonable fashion. Ahhhhhh, yes, the American Dream: leisurely Litigation. The sweet smell of revenue. While you’ve probably suspected it up until this point, I must finally admit something shocking… I haven’t got a clue where I’m going with this monologue.

Well, while you’re trying to figure out why you wasted 30 seconds (or a full minute if you’re as slow at reading as I am) reading the above shlock, enjoy this tidbit from The Onion News Network (ONN)…

In The Know: Teenagers and Alcohol

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled show, already in progress…

Ever get an irritating itch in your eye?  You rub it, again and again, but carefully trying not to convert yourself into Ray Charles in doing so?  Well, this article should cheer you up!

Cheers!

My nephew shared one of the most prophetic statements I’ve ever heard (following a prostate exam):

“NOTHING will ever distract you while you have a hand up your ass”